Sometimes I look back and I wonder why the heck I do the things I do. Why do I seem to screw up EVERYTHING! I feel like a freakin' cat-lady. Well, I feel like I am going to turn into one. I want to be happy. Sometimes I wish I was a kid again and didn't have to worry about anything but what type of crayons I HAD to have or what clothes I HAVE to wear. Things just don't seem that simple anymore. Sometimes I feel so lost I just don't know what to do anymore. Why? That's the question that's been sturring up in the ragging waters of my mind. I hate hurting people, and I hate getting hurt. Is it alright for an adult to be so scared about something so new? I feel like I am being thrown out into the world and everything is going to be different now. Now I worry about the people around me and how to please. I wish I didn't have to please anyone but myself. I wish that one day I could look back and say "hey, I did a good job at my life," or "man was I freakin' happy."
Things are just complicated. I think I took high school for granted. I feel like college might be the same. I want to experience art and relationships in a more serious light. I want something to look forward too. Is that too much to ask for? A promised future that won't let me down. Promised people who won't let me down no matter what. I need some type of security and belonging in my life. Gosh, there I go rambling again. I just don't know people. Am I going more and more insane?
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